This one is a weird one. This one is p much a hybrid of PL/K with the no wave ethos I tried to go for on Four EP, but much more out there. In fact, I think this is the first proper no wave LUCY song.

And a lot has happened since I updated these liner notes. I have since come out as trans-fem, and I am quite happy as is with my status as a trans musician now. But even then, I still have some doubts towards my identity and me. And that's where "XO" was born from.

I'd argue today that, at least in the United States, that coming out as trans online is a much more prominent risk than say... coming out to your friends or your family. Granted, that's a rly iffy statement so let's change it. I'd argue it's a lot scarier thinking about the idea that the supposed broader LGBTQ+ community on social media will not accept you bc you don't fit into their ideals.

On top of transphobia and discrimination you will likely face.

And I think it's a hilarious thing. No one is there to save you. No one will help you. It just feeds into the paranoia that oh, I don't have the same dysphoric experiences as other trans people. And the question of do you need to be dysphoric to be trans? What is dysphoria? Those sort of questions I thought about when I was discovering my gender.

If you're questioning your identity, then maybe it's a reasonable conclusion that no matter what, you're going to break the gender norm that you're in. Esp if you're wanting to -mode or pass.

Some nice food to think about when listening to this song, bc it's an encapsulation of all that. And it's also the last standalone single I'll put out for a while.

Kaylon
26 Aug 2021